Ni Aaja Veh !

A sudden trip

A protective talk

And a scare of a flight,

That reconfirmed fears.

Music in my ears

With no sleep in the eyes

Welcome to the land of heart and chaat!

Long days and longer nights

So much activity, yet empty minds!

They drink, they make merry

We mollycoddle, we screw up.

They eat, they sleep

We plan, we weep.

Yet within those gorgeous marble walls

We speed our way through Canadian balls.

Then Moet and moi fly hand in hand

To touch base on the Bolly land.

Some more smiles, a lot more fun

The stress has gone, and love’s just begun.

Here…Comedy gets a dark face

That loves to hate

And hates to love

While Beauty gets an ugly face

That only sulks and loves to scare.

Office seemed like a distant dream,

When the smell of the lobby made us dizzy

We were in fact the welcoming committee…

Who welcomed even a thank you meal :)

And then there were these...

• A long rainy Sunday with DDLJ on the television
• The perfect shrug that goes with most office-unfriendly shirts
• The possibility of Goa. Yet again.
• Strawberry yogurt + Modern Family
• Knowing that work will be busier than ever
• Blasting ‘Switty Switty’ on random evenings
• Mommy’s perfected bread-pulao
• Finding that lost white shirt after an entire year
• Smell of a new book on my bedside stand
• Hugging the same old friends
• Big fat yearbook!
• Adu chatting with the fish in my room
• The snooze phenomena
• And...the waves in my hair

P.S. – I have dreaded and loved my ride back home for this entire Ganpati time. I love to see the beautifully lit city, the disco music blasting from within pandals or even right next to my cab. But I have underestimated my travel time, each time L

Will the rains really go away with the Raja ? Rains make September look pretty. I say stay till October at least...

I have no title...

When the prefect ends, what do we get?

Do we realise that it was not so perfect after all...

Do we try and be enthusiastic about the current not-so-perfect?

What is perfect anyway?

I used to think it’s a state of mind. But now I am convinced it’s a habit.

If I am relatively happy, and I stay that way for a fair amount of time, then I will probably call it perfect.

We are scared to let go of this perfect. Not because we won’t be happy again.

But may be because we are scared to invest the ‘habitual time’ in it, all over again!

I am happy today. Not jumpy happy. But ‘at peace’ happy.

So many things and so many people to be thanked for this.

Especially my stupid birthday :P

P.S. – That Girl in Yellow Boots out tomorrow. Disturbing yet a very interesting watch!

Hello :)

Am I the twisted one or just the lost one?

Am I the smart one or the naive one?

Am I cold or just plain scared?

Am I peaceful both inside and outside?

Am I sad to have lost or happy to have regained?

Am I so sulky that I don’t know how to smile?

Am I not as vanilla as I think I am?

Am I actually an impatient driver?

Am I even bothered by any of these questions?

I think not. But it is random food for thought. Keeps me entertained on days like these.

To be honest, I am not bothered by anyone’s perception. At least not bothered enough to action a change in behaviour.

I do feel. I do get hurt. I do like happiness. I sure am rude and blunt. And it’s all in good spirit. It’s how I am wired.

Trust we are good J

A Saturday after long...feels like a Sunday.

Crowded drives

Radio by the side

Light in the head

Smile on the face

Friends to meet

Talks to talk

News to share,

With hope in the heart.

Long felt hugs

Long seen smiles

Missed those days,

To be relived every now and then.

Skip. Reverse.

I just read the last few words on a friend’s blog ‘Being Replaceable’. Coincidently, I have been thinking about ‘being replaceable’ since last night. Funny I read it now.

I don’t know what it is about the word replaceable that makes me uncomfortable. In the retail sense of the term it’s supposed to be a good thing. However, in my mind, I feel it takes away the value of everything/everyone.

I don’t want anything to be replaceable. I like a sense of constance. Every important thing or person in our lives is theoretically irreplaceable. In reality, it may work out differently.  So let’s make a pact – to not replace things or people for the fun of it. That’s just mean. Why replace them first then cry about the memories. Fuck the memories. Enjoy the present continuous.

May you never be replaceable!

Swaaha

Hi !

I have a sudden urge to do the following things:

• Switch off my phone; sleep now; leave home in the morning; and use only the PCO to connect with those who need to know my whereabouts. Full 24 hours of pull approach as far as contacting me is concerned. No pushing, calling, or beeping!
• Watch 4 back-to-back films. I am in this business, and I have so much to catch up on, this particular month.
• Go to Anando Spa for a three day sojourn with a bum-chum.
• Read. Read. And read more...
• Behave with people the way they behave with other people. The sound of this is petty, but personal experience says – It works!
• By now, my urges don’t seem sudden or urgent at all. But I have a lot of pending thoughts in my head. So will mention them anyway.
• Yell out to some people to get a grip or get their fucking difficult self out of my life. Or more importantly, out of my mind. Which is more a call-to-action for me than anyone else I suppose.
• Play loud chhamiya music and dance all night. I love drunken dancing. It’s the best medicine for my mind and body, every once in a while.
• To smile more at my Parents and yell less at my Mom.
• To love who I want to anyway. Who cares what they think or want.

Swaaha for all of the above.

< Swaaha story some other time >

Kyu... ho gaya na

I wonder what it is that I strive to be in life.

Do I want to work so hard at my career that I look at myself as the Marketing Head of my department sometime ?

Or do I want to take it as it comes and not try and run the fastest in this rat race ?

I actually want to not care so much about my designation, get paid well, and yet be able to do what I want in the organisation. I know it sounds dreamy and perfect. But it’s far from perfect. I think I don't want the headache of a post. I don’t want to be answerable to a hundred humans because my post demands it. I want to be answerable to these humans only because my work demands it. And that work I think can also be done at a designation which does not impress any business card scanner ! This is only a thought. Might be completely flawed.

Just that I want to be able to have a life because MY work-life balance is good. Not, not have a life because my team’s work-life balance is screwed up.

I love to work. But I hate to centre my life around it. What I hate the most is being MADE to centre my life around it. And my fear is that with designation comes this ‘MADE’.

But then again, my perception is limited to the organisations I have experienced. The fact and opportunities might be completely different.

I also strive to be a nice happy family person. Not the sulky idealist my parents are making me out to be. They are 90% right when they say that is another thing altogether.

What I have to do to be able to smoothly enter the happy family phase of life is something I will figure out gradually I guess.

*One fun-fact about me which is not so fun  – When you ask me how I like whatever it is that you show to me, I always ask the possession details of the item. If you have already gone ahead and convinced yourself about it in the decisive sense by spending money on it, I will never bitch about that particular thing. This is one of the rare moments where my good self takes over my blunt self and I decide not to dishearten you. Silly but true. So next time remember – My opinion is redundant :)

Now back to thinking what Ankur rightly asked me today... Kyu ? I have been thinking that for a while. Kyu ? Why the fuck ?!

hallmark 'moments'

18^th April 2011.

Sometimes I forget we are in 2011 now. I write 2010, and then go back and edit. Funny how this used to happen only in the month of January of every new year. This was the time when back in school /college we used to write or acknowledge the date more often.

Today, time just lapses on its own.  Takes no permission, gives no warning. Just plain walks by most of us. It is mid-April now. Yet there feels no New Year. It feels like so many things in 2010 were yet to be completed. I made the simplest of resolutions, yet it feels like a burden.

A burden I never thought I would feel. It is weird while I even think about it. I used to pride myself on living life as it comes. Living each day as I experience it. However, this doesn’t seem to be working fine for me anymore. It seems like it’s taking away the fun of it all, while actually it was supposed to provide all the fun and thrill of so called careless living.

I have a slight idea of my near future. But I still can’t picture myself in most surroundings when I think about it. My mind is a cloud of saturated thoughts. They are not maturing or going away. They just seemed to have settled in a chaotic fashion.  Confusing me each time I take two minutes off from my so called idea of ‘living the moment’. The moment seems to fuck around with me!

I want to take a moment out of my many confused/fun-filled/satiating/miserable moments and make a few ‘more than mental’ notes here:

• I have liked my job a lot these past few months. I have been my personal rockstar. However, I am bored thinking about it already. I want a change. And a major one at that.
• I have fought less with my family and been there for them these last few weeks. Now, this here made me feel more of a rockstar. I enjoyed a simple car drive for 2 hours with my parents and close family, listening to music and making random talk after I don’t even know how many years. I need to stop cringing at the thought of family time. I realised I like being with them and being myself in the most raw self I can.
• I also have paid more attention to my health, now more than ever. It was a subconscious thing going on on a daily basis. But I know for a fact, it has worked wonders for my skin, hair and stamina. I do ‘momentarily’ plan on continuing this one J
• I have spent quality weekend time with some closed ones after as long as MICA time. It felt just right in spite of being wrong in so many ways.
• I have realised all I need is a glass of whiskey or a pint of beer to make me smile like a buffoon.
• Also, I don’t feel scared about a lot of things anymore. I get worried about the pain my actions or thoughts will cause to a lot of people, but fear is long gone. These bloody tiny moments have made me very confident
• I also realised that I love the power of rhymes. Everything in life should rhyme.

Now, to go back to my mundane moments. Cincinnati Bublaboo.

Kaminey.

Kya kare zindagi isko hum jo mile,

Iski jaan kha gaye, raat din ke gile

Raat din gile…

Meri aarzoo kamini,

Mere khwaab bhi kaminey,

Ek dil se dosti thi, yeh huzoor bhi kaminey,

Kya kare zindagi isko hum jo mile,

Iski jaan kha gaye, raat din ke gile…

Kabhi zindagi se maanga, pinjre mein chaand la do,

Kabhi laalten deke, kaha aasmaa pe taango

Jeene ke sab kareene the hamesha se kaminey,

Kaminey kaminey kaminey kaminey,

Meri daastaan kamini, mere raasten kaminey,

Ek dil se dosti thi, yeh huzoor bhi kaminey…

Jiska bhi chehra cheela, andar se aur nikla,

Masoom sa kabootar naacha to more nikla,

Kabhi hum kaminey nikle, kabhi doosre kaminey,

Kaminey kaminey kaminey kaminey,

Meri dosti kamini, mere yaar bhi kaminey,

Ek dil se dosti thi, yeh huzoor bhi kaminey…

Hello World

Have a lot to say.

For starters, three characters – F, G, and 4, never gained so much significance in life. Put them together in that order and we get FG4. The single most important spectacle since graduation. What FG4 is, will interest few. So I will skip that part. Just needed to keep everyone abreast of my airtime consumption. Let’s just say this FG4 has walked all over quite a few of my movie plans, dinner plans, and just peaceful breathing plans. I hope it ends up being one hell of a job.

On another note, the other day I consumed my true love. Ate it all up. It resides in the menu of Theobroma Bandra, by the name of ‘Pesto Rosso’ and is by far the best pesto sandwich I have ever had. It’s simple – with the right amount of basil, sundried tomatoes, the freshest lettuce, some beauty of a red pesto sauce, and a gallop of cheese. With fries and mustard by its side, it was like yummy love.

In a perfect world, I would be watching DDLJ and eating this sandwich for the rest of my life.

However, I instead managed to eat with the rest of my family in the drawing room tonight. They were watching one of the fucked up family dramas on the TV. I shall save the name in the interest of the company that helped provide me with my aforementioned meal. The conversation started with how I never spend time with anyone, and just sit locked up in my room in front of my laptop. However, for the better or for the worse, the show started. I will tell you the content without the slightest ounce of exaggeration. There may be judgement in my words, but then, wtf. It started with the shot of one woman telling the other about how she should chill now because she has a daughter-in-law to do the housework. And in my head played Sunday afternoon – Agarwal Household. My taiji telling me to urgently learn my way around the kitchen, because I will be married soon and that’s what life will throw at me. A fucked up kitchen and a million hungry stomachs! Not to forget a mother-in-law fantasising retirement.

Cut to scene 2 – the husband was basically trying to get laid, but the wife wouldn’t understand. So he started with a general – let’s spend time together, followed by how much they loved each other, followed by how they don’t get time to really be ‘close’, followed by how he wants to prove his love for her, followed by how he wants her to feel that they are actually ‘one’, etc. etc. Get the drift. All this, in the typical hindi corny fucked up way, sitting in the drawing room with my parents and elders, was a little discomforting for me! I couldn’t laugh, or walk away, or watch, or anything. Two flowers meeting seemed like an ingenious concept right about then. And talk about my company producing this kind of entertainment, day in and day out. How do I even ask my people to stop wasting their time on this. Am I not worse than they are :(

In other news, I realised I like red apples more than green apples and I like green grapes more than black grapes. I also won the lamest quiz in the history of quizzes posted by a self-obsessed crack human being Buddy Boo.

Also, Ghetto will be Wanchu by the end of this month. Kunjorani will thrive on Bombay dosas for the next 4 months. And also, my life will be spelt as h-a-v-o-c very very soon.

Cheers to fg4.

Point.

Every stanza is for some person different, some time new...

(You gave me life

and controlled it all

my mind worked

on your instant call)

(I broke the walls

I dropped my guard

you stormed inside

and made me fall)

(You break my heart

you make my day

you fix a heart

I gave up on)

(I learn, I smile

I laugh, I bawl

Being me

against the stonewall)

In love with life

yet scared by it all

It either be

or forever gone...

No Shit !

Just last week I travelled to Jabalpur by train, and was more than amused to find this beautiful piece of art in the Urinal. I say ‘art’, because if we were to use logic, this board served no more purpose than that.

It was an AC Coach, yes, it was 2 Tier even. But it still does not mean that the guys cleaning the loos will be able to decipher a word of what the Railway authorities intended for them to read. Yah right!

I will repeat my point here if the picture above wasn’t enough  – Cleaning Instructions were put up on a board inside the loo written in English and only English.

When I started reading the board, I thought it is meant for the users. Except it wasn’t. Not a word of it was for me! All of it was for the kind souls who clean the loos for us, except they don’t understand the cryptic rules they are supposed to abide by, while at it.

It’s unbelievable how senseless some people on positions are. They do things for the sake of doing it. It’s like – ‘We are so cool if we use English, we will use it everywhere to display our progressive approach!’

I tried to inform the TC about this, however, he asked me to go to bed. Let’s hope someone soon realises the redundancy of it all.

P.S. – Sorry for the poor image quality. That was the best my phone camera could manage in the fancy surrounding.

P.P.S – Carry your own pillow the next time train travel approaches. What they give nowadays is this little piece of cotton stuffed in a tiny white bag. Guaranteed back-ache. 

Upswing or Downswing ?

Yes or no

In or out

Love or hate

Up or down

Truth or lie

Live or die

Hold or behold

Mind or soul

Don’t let choices fool you. They are all the same. Pick what makes you happy.

Resolutions 2.0

This file is titled 2.0 because I want to miss the step of fucking up my initial Utopian plan and jump straight to the achievable one. The idea to share these silly things here is that in some twisted way I would feel more accountability towards accomplishing them. Or some of them.

I don’t know if resolutions are supposed to be of a fixed kind. I have never consciously thought about making one. However, the first day of the new decade gave me some hints. Hints that were staring at me in my face. Hints that said, I could easily improve a lot many aspects of my life. Very simply so.

Here I go:

1.       I will sit up straight at all times, so that in future, my backbone doesn’t try to make love to my knees.

2.       I will have a massive VETO over my tear glands. They will not be allowed to trip on their own.

3.       I will learn to be kind to my Mommy. Even if she nags me all day long. I nagged her for 9 whole months!

4.       I will restrain from fighting with Auto guys.  Will resort to direct slaps.

5.       I will not believe what I want to believe. I will say hello to Mr. Reality more often.

6.       I will love beer a little less, and love my belly a little more.

7.       I will stop cleaning random spaces. Or random peoples’ spaces.

8.       I will hide my credit and debit card in the most unapproachable drawer for 364 days of the year.

9.       I will not mock everything Madu.

10.   I will learn the Stock Market and its workings.

All the above points come with a prefix of try. However, I will genuinely seriously try.

Thanks everyone for all your mean words and your irritated looks. It helped ruin my 2010, and will hopefully help make my 2011.

A la prochaine 

Lived Well. Live Again!

If 2010 was a year to take note of shocking outcries, 2011 looks like one hell of a bitch.

Now bitches could do you good sometimes. My bitch of a day (today) seemed to carry a lot many promises. A lot many hopes. A lot many woahs...

Without delving into the whys and hows, let get straight to the 2010 personal WOAHS...!

1.    Graduated as a Mican who ATTENDED classes like her batchmates !!

2.    Pulled of my stunt of the year during Graduation

3.    Shared love and friendship with our highness, Rani Sahiba. Finally, after 4 years !

4.    Had the blonde moment of the century with the idiotic mail !

5.    Loved the first 4 months at Balaji ! (definitely WOAH)

6.    Survived the next 4 !!

7.    Managed to have offices on the same street as Mots’. Yet again.

8.    Started driving normally J

9.    Arrrrun got married

10. Daddy dearest knows my deepest darkest secret

11. The above took place without any form of intoxication present

12. Big man meets my man. Phew.

13. Opened FB every single day for the past 4 months due to work

14. MICA Alumni came. And went :O

15. Partied, Fought, Broke up, Hugged. REPEAT.

16. Partied with the best Losers in town for a warm 2011 welcome. 

However, the entire year and its doings can be stated in the words I wrote here earlier.

To. For. Of. (2010)

Un-high drinking. Sleeping, yet not. Bending backwards. Never coming forward. Shamelessness. Sadly mental. Gladly physical. Smiling. Rediscovering the same old friends. Christmas-y Cleaning. Making strange sounds. Ordering the eyes to stay put. To stay dry. Smooth drives. Scary Signals. Doing the expected. All over again. Dancing, without music. Taking a knock. Unstructuring. Pasting Winners. Dreaming a Pasta. Delivering one. 'Getting down'. So fucking down. Uncareful. Being a bitch. Feeling like one. Cheating. Unconditional loving. 
Hoping against hopes. Creating a blog. Being kinetic. 
Living a little. Same as yesterday. 

..........Happy Happy New Year..........