18th April 2011.
Sometimes I forget we are in 2011 now. I write 2010, and then go back and edit. Funny how this used to happen only in the month of January of every new year. This was the time when back in school /college we used to write or acknowledge the date more often.
Today, time just lapses on its own. Takes no permission, gives no warning. Just plain walks by most of us. It is mid-April now. Yet there feels no New Year. It feels like so many things in 2010 were yet to be completed. I made the simplest of resolutions, yet it feels like a burden.
A burden I never thought I would feel. It is weird while I even think about it. I used to pride myself on living life as it comes. Living each day as I experience it. However, this doesn’t seem to be working fine for me anymore. It seems like it’s taking away the fun of it all, while actually it was supposed to provide all the fun and thrill of so called careless living.
I have a slight idea of my near future. But I still can’t picture myself in most surroundings when I think about it. My mind is a cloud of saturated thoughts. They are not maturing or going away. They just seemed to have settled in a chaotic fashion. Confusing me each time I take two minutes off from my so called idea of ‘living the moment’. The moment seems to fuck around with me!
I want to take a moment out of my many confused/fun-filled/satiating/miserable moments and make a few ‘more than mental’ notes here:
- I have liked my job a lot these past few months. I have been my personal rockstar. However, I am bored thinking about it already. I want a change. And a major one at that.
- I have fought less with my family and been there for them these last few weeks. Now, this here made me feel more of a rockstar. I enjoyed a simple car drive for 2 hours with my parents and close family, listening to music and making random talk after I don’t even know how many years. I need to stop cringing at the thought of family time. I realised I like being with them and being myself in the most raw self I can.
- I also have paid more attention to my health, now more than ever. It was a subconscious thing going on on a daily basis. But I know for a fact, it has worked wonders for my skin, hair and stamina. I do ‘momentarily’ plan on continuing this one J
- I have spent quality weekend time with some closed ones after as long as MICA time. It felt just right in spite of being wrong in so many ways.
- I have realised all I need is a glass of whiskey or a pint of beer to make me smile like a buffoon.
- Also, I don’t feel scared about a lot of things anymore. I get worried about the pain my actions or thoughts will cause to a lot of people, but fear is long gone. These bloody tiny moments have made me very confident
- I also realised that I love the power of rhymes. Everything in life should rhyme.
Now, to go back to my mundane moments. Cincinnati Bublaboo.
